H E L L - W A Z - E R E

Every June, a swarm of denim and leather can be found graduating towards Clisson on the west coast of France.

In comparison to some of the overcrowded and characterless UK metal festivals, Hellfest has a genuinely unique atmosphere, which can be mostly given to the fact that the attendance is much more intimate at only 20,000.

This is a place where dedicated metal fans can come to drink beer, headbang and shout/roar at each other for 3 days. There's no aggro, no over-zealous security, and importantly, no dickheads asking you for a free hug. To keep yourself alive over the festival there's also a giant supermarket just outside the site where you can load up on cheap beers, baguettes and 1 euro bottles of cava.

This place is basically 'Metal Mecca'- get your filthy paws on a ticket before they run out asap:

http://www.hellfest.fr/tickets.php

Ps. I LOVE YOU

Compare. Contrast. Enjoy.



www.myspace.com/psiloveyouband

TIME GOES BY. SO LOL-Y.

Don't worry guys. We still listen to gr8 music occasionally. We'll blog about it again one day.

But let's be cereal: when's the last time an ambient drone buzzband flew you out to LOLopolooza on a roflcopter?

BRIAN MCFADDEN GOES CREEPCORE

Mumwave balladeer Brian McSADden has dropped the b-bone in many glamorous women (and Kerry Katona). Now we know how.

The lyrics are those of the creepy pug-breathed juggalo with the quiet self-confidence of the seasoned closing time date rapist.

"I like you just the way you are, drunk dancing at the bar/

Can't wait to get you home so I can do some damage/

can't wait to get you home and take advantage."

Still your dream son-in-law, Mom?

YOU NEED NEEDHAM

It's a pleasure.

TYLER: LONE WOLF?

So OFWGKTA's sassiest funkachino Tyler is all signed up with the UK's XL. Time to kick back with a couple of 40s and watch the tonk abs and shit-eating grin deteriorate into a coke-bloated spectre with ice cream cone facial tattoos about two weeks after he cashes the advance cheque. Take us down with you Tyler. Don't forget the burbs.

SHMALENTINE

Here's a heartation from Jessie Ware + Sampha. It's deep like the bottomless heartpit you tried to fill with curly fries last night.

WU LYF CLAN

If you aren't going to watch Wu Lyf at their London gig at Corsica Studios tonight, you may as well open the window and jump. We don't know how these teenaged dudes got to sound like a road-raging Jennifer Herrema on a serious laryngitis tip; but they do and it's most excellent.

GET RICH OR DIE ANTWOORD

There's something so creepily early 90s about actual people using real drugs (well, weed) and totally tattooing themselves while dropping the f-bomb like they're not on a major label with a mostly tweenaged fanbase.

Die Antwoord's 'trailer' for Rich Bitch is the 2k11 equivalent of that guy with Slayer cut into his arm buying his first cellphone from Cypress Hill and snakeboarding home to NIN's Closer (I Wannna Eff You Like An Animal) while calling up the cast of Mallrats to 'vent'.

Oh, and 'director' Kobus Holnaaier's surname means 'holefucker' in Afrikaans.

No wonder these guys would rather be shopping for hipster accoutrements in LA and smoking fragrance-free cigarettes with David Lynch and calling Buraka Son Sistema 'Baraka Obama' and saying stuff like, "How cool is Eric fuckin Bana?".

But no pain, no gain - check out Wadkin Tudor Jones aka 'Ninja' honing his craft with some authentically scaly Cape Town dudes.

WHATTUP MY NINJA

Heroes in half shells have been trending hard on our imaginary trend radar since... forever. And when we scratched a little harder at the underbelly of wackness, we found out that, apart from living some sort of Spike Jonze skateboarding proto-bromance since before that sentence made any sort of sense, these green dudes inspired a radical lineup of musical visionaries like Thelonious Monk AND Bonded by Blood since pre-Raphaelite times.

T E N U O U S M U T A N T N I N J A T U R T L E S?

MIAOW

Sonic Youth's free mixtape sounds nothing like your mom nagging you to wash the cat's butt in that breathy Kim Gordon voice she does when she's got high self esteem and the abs to prove it. That's for sure.

JOGGER

DID MUSIC DIED?

NEPHICIDE [j'uk'e]

n

1. (Psychology) the act or an instance of styling out something truly suckalicious with such ninja turtle Satanism-lite chutzpah that it totally rules/makes us want to have weird children who like Fields of the Nephilim.

GREECE: THE MUSICAL...

Would sound nothing like Keep Shelly in Athens.

Ignore the misleading Best of Wavves/Beach House/insert 2010 dankwave artist here album artwork. Now, ignore the name that makes you want to put a cat in a wheelie bin. Thanks. What's that? Don't worry - you're not listening to Chromatics on vicodin. You'd totally be fired by now. It's just some chill balearic disco from the house of Transparent to make your Tuesday feel just that little more like an alt Grand Designs reveal.

LOVE SEX POVERTY COOLNESS

LOVE SEX POVERTY COOLNESS

THE HEAD AND THE HEART AND THE EARS

When it comes to choosing good bands to promote to us common folk, the prestigious Sub Pop pretty much hit the nail on the head every time. Just when the red wine residue was starting to permanently stain your powdered teeth after the over-the-top festivities, the mateys in Seattle have brought to our attention the wonderfully kind to your battered ears, The Head And The Heart.

Their album got released digitally yesterday, but their physical manifestation will coincide nicely with Record Store Day in April (16th specifically). Sure, the lead singer might look like the vampire out of Being Human, but there's really nothing to be afraid of...unless you don't like happies. If you don't like happies, you're done for.

they're supporting The Walkmen in a couple of weeks, so that'll be nice too, non?

TW§§TED BL§§TER

WARNING: Every time you play this track by BL§§D ØU†, an animated gif of a baby otter dies...

LIVE WIRE

Rough Trade are good old boys aren't they? They provide us with a couple of lovely record shops to drag our heels around and spend the monies we don't have; they've chucked more record bags onto the arms of aspiring hipstamaniacs than there are shagbands on a cyberdog's wrist; and they give us a chance to stand excruciatingly close to incredible bands with one finger prodding our fun sacks. The best.

Tomorrow they've gone next level on our newly jaded asses and are giving you the chance to oggle Wire in the East. All you gotta do is buy the album...from them obvs. Do that.

P I N K F L A G

QUACK ON THIS

This girl and her ass apparently work in a McDonalds somewhere in New Orleans. She may or may not be responsible for the Happy Meal concept. Get out of our heads, Nick Knight. We made her up first.

JAMIE XX vs ADELE

If Jamie XX ruled the airwaves, would anything dud us out ever again?

If that question's been putting cigarettes out on your arms here, have the answer.