WHATTUP MY NINJA

Heroes in half shells have been trending hard on our imaginary trend radar since... forever. And when we scratched a little harder at the underbelly of wackness, we found out that, apart from living some sort of Spike Jonze skateboarding proto-bromance since before that sentence made any sort of sense, these green dudes inspired a radical lineup of musical visionaries like Thelonious Monk AND Bonded by Blood since pre-Raphaelite times.

T E N U O U S M U T A N T N I N J A T U R T L E S?

MIAOW

Sonic Youth's free mixtape sounds nothing like your mom nagging you to wash the cat's butt in that breathy Kim Gordon voice she does when she's got high self esteem and the abs to prove it. That's for sure.

JOGGER

DID MUSIC DIED?

NEPHICIDE [j'uk'e]

n

1. (Psychology) the act or an instance of styling out something truly suckalicious with such ninja turtle Satanism-lite chutzpah that it totally rules/makes us want to have weird children who like Fields of the Nephilim.

GREECE: THE MUSICAL...

Would sound nothing like Keep Shelly in Athens.

Ignore the misleading Best of Wavves/Beach House/insert 2010 dankwave artist here album artwork. Now, ignore the name that makes you want to put a cat in a wheelie bin. Thanks. What's that? Don't worry - you're not listening to Chromatics on vicodin. You'd totally be fired by now. It's just some chill balearic disco from the house of Transparent to make your Tuesday feel just that little more like an alt Grand Designs reveal.

LOVE SEX POVERTY COOLNESS

LOVE SEX POVERTY COOLNESS

THE HEAD AND THE HEART AND THE EARS

When it comes to choosing good bands to promote to us common folk, the prestigious Sub Pop pretty much hit the nail on the head every time. Just when the red wine residue was starting to permanently stain your powdered teeth after the over-the-top festivities, the mateys in Seattle have brought to our attention the wonderfully kind to your battered ears, The Head And The Heart.

Their album got released digitally yesterday, but their physical manifestation will coincide nicely with Record Store Day in April (16th specifically). Sure, the lead singer might look like the vampire out of Being Human, but there's really nothing to be afraid of...unless you don't like happies. If you don't like happies, you're done for.

they're supporting The Walkmen in a couple of weeks, so that'll be nice too, non?

TW§§TED BL§§TER

WARNING: Every time you play this track by BL§§D ØU†, an animated gif of a baby otter dies...

LIVE WIRE

Rough Trade are good old boys aren't they? They provide us with a couple of lovely record shops to drag our heels around and spend the monies we don't have; they've chucked more record bags onto the arms of aspiring hipstamaniacs than there are shagbands on a cyberdog's wrist; and they give us a chance to stand excruciatingly close to incredible bands with one finger prodding our fun sacks. The best.

Tomorrow they've gone next level on our newly jaded asses and are giving you the chance to oggle Wire in the East. All you gotta do is buy the album...from them obvs. Do that.

P I N K F L A G

QUACK ON THIS

This girl and her ass apparently work in a McDonalds somewhere in New Orleans. She may or may not be responsible for the Happy Meal concept. Get out of our heads, Nick Knight. We made her up first.

JAMIE XX vs ADELE

If Jamie XX ruled the airwaves, would anything dud us out ever again?

If that question's been putting cigarettes out on your arms here, have the answer.